I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Thursday, February 28, 2002 @ 07:11 Work went into crisis mode this week. It seems to be sapping my energy, making it hard to concentrate and write. At least I'm not getting stressed myself. It's more that the stress is swirling all around me and as soon as I leave the building, exhaustion hits. I guess the energy needed to block all that, to stay calm, is taxing me. Once I leave the environment, all that drops and I'm left drained. It probably doesn't help that I'm staying up late flirting with and tormenting submissives in chat and on the phone, so I'm not getting enough sleep. I was thinking about bois while in the shower this morning. I was composing what to write about here. There are two bois who want to cook dinner for me. I let one of them do so last weekend. Will probably let the other one soon. The long distance prospect who wants me to own hir is a boi. There's another local submissive who considers herself a SAM and a boi who would like me to give her a real beating. This whole concept of women expressing their masculine energy in the form of specific behaviors and identities is intriguing, and attractive. Still, I never expected to have so many of them swarming around me. Guess it's part of the whole femme - butch thing. I didn't evolve in the lesbian community. My sexual identity was formed, is being formed, as a bisexual dominant in the bdsm community. The whole butch-femme dichotomy is something I've researched and read about more than experienced. Perhaps it's my orientation, but I don't find butches or femmes more attractive. I find women more attractive than men and gay men more attractive than heterosexual men. I also find transgendered individuals sexy. Sometime I want to expand the "Sex and Gender" section of my site, to explore some of these issues. The problem is that I'm still figuring out what all this gender business is and how it impacts my life. Women are both feminine and masculine. Some of them express their masculinity as bois (or Daddies, if they have top energy). Others express their masculinity in more subtle ways or in their professional lives or in the way they deal with their families and friends. These bois are very attractive because they are up front about the way the express their masculine side. They are a delicious combination of female bodies and masculine energy tempered by feminine experience. Doesn't mean I don't adore femmes too. Moon was femme, at least we were told by a few dykes that they liked seeing two femmes together, because it's a rare thing. I said a few years ago I want both femme and boi slaves, so it's a good thing I'm polyamorous. Mostly, I want good slaves -- obedient, intelligent, and able to make me laugh. Male-female-mixed, probably won't turn out to be that important in the end. However, it should make things interesting as I find ways to play with the gender roles to my advantage.
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