I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Sunday, March 24, 2002 @ 23:58 I told Caliann tonight I'm either massively stressed or simply irrational. She suggested both might be true. I'm extremely emotional and that usually only happens when I'm hormonal (which I'm not), stressed, or in an irrational state. She asked me if I was having one of those days where everything went wrong. I said no, that most things had been good in my day, just one area that was frustrating me greatly and another that was slightly frustrating. I guess I was in denial. One of my friends told me she is potentially very, very sick. She won't know anything for awhile and the waiting could go on for weeks before a diagnosis is final. Another friend revealed to me today that her mother is dying. I don't talk about it much anywhere, but my sister is very sick. She has a combination of diseases and conditions that have plagued her life. She just came out of remission a few weeks ago. In reading Vi Johnson's journal, I came to a place today where half her family and friends died in a very short period of time. No doubt reading that this afternoon caused some unconscious stress given the people around me. Did I mention that of the four people in my department one has a spouse in the hospital and another has a mother who will probably not survive the year? I vowed not to write in this journal about the prospective submissives and slaves in my life because it has a tendency to jinx those relationships. So I waited until negotiations reached a certain level and then began writing about the women who have become important to my life and I saw as being in my future for possibly long-term relationships. I should have known better as suddenly (and I mean in the course of about six hours) I'm getting "back off signals" from three of them. Not quite "go away" yet, but increased uncertainty and doubt. I can hope it's based on fears that can be addressed through communication. With the way my luck is running lately, I have trouble believing that at the moment. Maybe Caliann was right and it's just a day when nothing can go right. I can hope that tomorrow....and the rest of my vacation......go better.
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