I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Thursday, April 25, 2002 @ 18:54 I started this one at work...covering the switchboard for a bit so nothing else to do A lot of firsts have happened in my life the past few weeks and months. I've hesitated to write about them because I want to respect the privacy of the individuals involved. The few people who read this journal could deduce the other person(s) in a scene. Example: if I wrote I had fisted someone for the first time last night (which I didn't as I was home alone all night and I'm not that dextrous!), j could figure out that it 1) wasn't her and 2) wasn't tiger (who was online all evening). I don't think any of these women want the details of our sessions revealed in public. Nor do I want to create any more jealousy by making a list of things I did and then having each of them read it and wonder "why didn't she do that to me??!!" The poly thing is getting to me more than it should. I am not in a committed relationship with any of these women. The only agreement is to go forward to see what compatibility exists and test the potential for a committed long-term relationship. While I want to take into consideration their feelings, none of them should be a deciding factor in how I interact with the others. In other words, I shouldn't break off my relationship with X because it makes Z uncomfortable. Nor should I continue seeing Y because both X and Z like her. This is a case where it's not about getting what I want because I'm the domme, but about being free to choose my relationships based on what I want. If I had a committed partner, things would be different. Right now, however, we are all free agents and I need to hold that thought in my mind as I choose how to go forward. Not worry about breaking hearts or hurting someone who knew going in it was poly-dating. I don't have to be callous, but I'm not going to do things I don't want to do. more after I nap/eat/rest/pull some more thoughts together....
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