I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Thursday, April 18, 2002 @ 22:56 I used to tell myself (and friends who would listen) that I hoped it didn't take me five years to find a submissive since it took me 28 to figure out that I was a bisexual dominant. Now, here it is, almost five years later and while I know what I want, I don't know what I want. I just know I'm tired. Somewhere on the road between CO and here is a boi who wants to be owned by me. She's waited patiently for months for the chance to serve, but she's terrified of the actual meeting, which should be over by this time tomorrow. And off in LA for the weekend another boi is visiting a mutual friend. She wants to serve and be controlled. Compatibility will be the issue, not potential. Yet, it's the one who went home about an hour ago struggling with another bout of confusion that I feel has the most potential. And by that I mean potential to be with me, not potential to be a good submissive to someone, somewhere. Then there's the one on the east coast. The femme. Masochist. Experienced slave. As caliann would say "I like my women to enjoy being women" and I want someone to dress in corsets and high heels who craves the extreme pain and consensual force and ownership rather than girlfriendship. Read her website and got excited. Got an e-mail from her and thought, this is what I want. So why am I spending the time with three women who aren't like her? I don't know. I just know that I really enjoy NM and wish she'd change her mind and I'm wanting to give j and tiger a chance because there was an attraction there, so I want to test if it's deep enough to last. Maybe I'm just making up for the lack of dating in my high school and college life. Maybe it's my way of figuring out exactly what I do want in reality, instead of just in theory. I need sleep. It's going to be a hell of a weekend.
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