I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Saturday, May 18, 2002 @ 10:33 Change is very tiring. My mind has traveled a million miles in the last week. Some of it was admitting ground I'd already covered. Some of it is entirely new territory for me. Sleep would be a good thing. I have enough restaurant leftovers to keep me fed all weekend. I should be able to just sleep and eat and cry and sleep some more. Crying is more about release for me. Releasing emotions that I suppress in daily life. I haven't cried in months and months, so there's a lot of stuff built up. I don't delude myself into thinking all this pain and all these tears are because I can't have NM or because j lives 900 f***ing miles away. Some of it is built up frustration with my job. Some is the stress of my recent ankle injury. Some is being 1500+ miles from my family and dearest friends. Some is being 33 years old and not having accomplished the things I thought I'd do before I was 25. And some of the tears are good. Gratitude at living in a beautiful city and having loving, caring friends. The incredible realization that in two months I may get to reunite with a bunch of the people I love. Finally feeling confident about my own abilities, opinions, and future. These are strong emotions that I usually control as well. Now they want to be released along with the hurt and pain. Control of emotions is something j and I have in common. We had an interesting conversation about that a few nights ago. After some sleep, maybe I'll recap that here. Or the conversation I had over dinner last night about losers, mentors, and energy. Then there is consistency, "old style," reading groups, discussion lists, and self-expression....like I said, it's been a busy week.
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