I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Sunday, June 30, 2002 @ 13:03 Appreciation is underrated in this society. It's amazing what hearing "thank you" over and over can do to your confidence and sense of sElf. I usually ask what earned the gratitude. It reinforces to me that something I did or said or am is worthwhile to another person. I'm working on expressing my own appreciation. It's not something that was prevalent in my family of origin nor did my non-social adolescence teach me the skill. However, I am appreciative of the wonderous thing that is my life. It is that gratitude and sense of fortune that has kept me alive (literally) through the first 34 years of my life. I just didn't know how to say or show it. The boi and I have talked about how we don't want to take each other for granted. We appreciate each other: who she is, what she has to offer. In fact, when I asked her why she wants me, one of the reasons was that I make her feel appreciated and that's such a rare thing in the world. I look at her watching me sometimes and am amazed that someone could want *me* with such intensity and passion and need. I've had so many people run away or hide or otherwise dump me over the years (family and friends as well as "relationships") that it's hard to comprehend -- and I'm not even going into those that abused or harmed me. The universe provides. We just have to be open to the indicators that show us the path. Friday the boi asked for a sign. Yesterday, Jeff provided it without any prompting or previous discussion on the matter. I was floored. I'm still floored. Our reaction was disbelief and relief (and the boi has promised not to ask for things without letting me know so that I can be braced for the answers). And all the doubts, fears, and arguments that keep swirling around in our heads are meaningless: when the universe offers you something, you take it. Any hesitation either of us showed yesterday was out of shock. We have both ignored the gifts of the universe in the past and we won't do that. I talk around my spiritual beliefs a lot. They tend to be "out there" and I don't like getting into specifics in writing. The boi sees the world the way I do. It's both reaffirming and scary. We respect the energies of the world, we understand the power of the universe to manifest through thought and action, we know about dimensional shifting, non-corporeal entities, and yesterday I sent one of my guides/guardians to play with her energy critters. I always figured that when I found the right slave, even if she was pagan, I'd have to teach her to speak my spiritual language. Instead I find myself with a boi (not a slave) who already knows the lingo -- and gets the nuances. Our higher selves guide our lives. They send us the friends and lovers and passersby that teach us what we need to know to evolve. They sent Caliann to me and then waited for the timing to be right to introduce the boi. Well, they introduced the boi long before it was time to act with the boi. And then the same night that things shifted for me with the boi, they introduced the boi to Caliann. The three of us are going to have some very, very interesting interactions. Our higher selves are sighing with relief that all the work and signs and messages they sent us over the last few years are finally manifesting into something that we can appreciate together. Caliann will play a part in our life. NM may. The boi has friends that she wants to introduce to the mix (not to mention her Mistress and her submissive). Our higher selves are sitting back ready to enjoy the ride as the energies attract and meld and change and attract new people. Yes, there is stress and pain in my life right now. There are sticky issues to be addressed in the next few months, weeks, and days. The tension created by having such good things happen in one area of life while other things are contentious and ugly is very stressful. We struggle to maintain balance for and with each other. We trust that if the universe sees us accepting the signs and gifts provided in these areas, and exhibiting sincere gratitude, other parts of our lives will become effortless as well. Our career paths and family of origin issues will be resolved in their own time. The universe provides unconditionally, we just have to accept it when it happens.
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