I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Saturday, June 22, 2002 @ 21:44 In college I evolved this fantasy. It wasn't sexual. It wasn't romantic (not in the hearts-and-flowers-til-death-do-us-part type). It was a way I dreamed of spending part of my life. It was not intended to be my entire life, just a few years of adventure. I never shared that fantasy with anyone. It was too silly. Too private. Something that wouldn't happen, yet drew me to watch tv programs that were related and periodically daydream about what if....for close to fifteen years now. Then the boi makes an offhand comment that shakes me to the core. I'm too stunned to say anything and I spend a few days ruminating on whether to share or not. This was early (if anything in a three-week old relationship can be considered "early") and although the instinct was to trust and be open with her, there was still a lot of hesitation (at least in some areas). Ultimately, I couldn't hide it from her. Her offhand remark about her dream matched my long held fantasy. Maybe we're crazy. We came to the dream separately, in slightly different variations, but ultimately, we want the same thing. This specific fantasy is just one manifestation of our shared vision. Now the probability of my obtaining the dream has increased exponentially. We talk about *when* we will do this, not if or maybe. It's unbelievably satisfying to take something you hid because you feared it would sound too ridiculous and turn it into a shared dream with the primary person in your life. The universe does provide. I have always had faith in that fact. I'm just constantly surprised by the thoroughness with which it does so. Amazed and grateful and humbled by the honor.
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