I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Friday, June 07, 2002 @ 22:12 Things may get a bit weird here. It's just that my life is a bit weird and it will be harder to maintain the distance I try to create here. This is space for me to reflect on mysElf and even though it does get emotional at times, it still has a distance. The very process of finding words to describe a feeling or an event creates a space for self-observation. However, right now the boi is writing for me (someone who's actually writing for me!!) and we've spent hours talking and talking and talking (well, put a Gemini with a Virgo and the mutables can't stop communicating) and I'm going to keep that conversation going here. Mostly for myself and her. So some things might not make sense to someone who isn't privy to the other parts of our dialogue. This journal has become a tool by which I explore this budding relationship and she starts to fill in the pieces of who I am. side note: I can't f***ing believe that when she was talking about astrology last night she mentioned Linda Goodman! Now I'm transported back to the first time I bought one of Linda's books, and the second time, and the one that is sitting in my bathroom that I've been trying to reread for months now. and the boi thinks she's the only one overwhelmed by these little "you too!" moments. end side note. A long, long time ago I wrote crappy stories as an escape from my anti-social, asexual depressed real life. In these romances were recurring themes that I thought would be nice to someday encounter in a relationship. One was a sense of each other that went beyond the physical -- an ability to sense the other across great distances and share experiences. With moon, we experimented with shared dreaming...not an easy thing 1500 miles apart. So what does the boi casually mention? That she and one of her former partners had joint dreams and that even after they split up, the dream connection took awhile to dissolve. Hell, that night a few weeks ago when my sexual energy went into overdrive and focused on her, the first thing she said to me the next day was "oh! that's where that energy was coming from!" We''ve since proven several times that our energy is in synch beyond the crackling it does when we're in the same room. It's been quite frustrating this evening to keep myself calm so that I don't interrupt her at work (which I unintentionally did last night). I think she's definitely more open to this than I am. It is something she experiences frequently with people who are core to her life. Whereas I put up so many barriers when I grew up -- protecting the empathic tendencies from the destructive energies of my childhood-- It takes a lot for me to let someone inside those. just when I was going to write about obession and the inability to stop this train we're on....she pops online and my plans have just changed. why fight it? okay, why fight all of it?
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