I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Thursday, July 18, 2002 @ 18:59 There's a spiritual concept called the "thunderbolt path to enlightenment" and I've always been afraid of finding myself on that road. I'm starting to think maybe there's a bdsm equivalent. The boi and I have been through an incredible amount of growth and intensity in a very short period of time. She joked yesterday that since I got home Monday night (it was about 2 am by the time we got back to the apartment) we've been trying to make up for lost time. I don't think we are, but we have certainly experienced an incredible amount in these few short days. It's more that having time apart let us each process some things in our heads and now that we're back together, we're acting on that process. I have got to find another name for her. She is both female and male. She is boi and girl and Daddi. She talks about having a sadistic beast inside her, but I also know she has a masochistic animal. The shift that happened in our interactions the last few days makes it very difficult to refer to her as "boi", yet she's not yet my slave -- and may not be for a very long time. She gave me a leash to use on her, well, she presented it to me, but isn't ready to hand over ownership. I started discussions with someone this past weekend to make the collar I'll someday lock on her neck, but for now I don't have one to use. I found a way to thread the leash and double it into a collar -- it almost looks like it was designed that way. She certainly looks more natural with a collar around her neck than she ever did naked. I remain grateful for this wonder that has entered my life. I am constantly aware that most people close themselves off from the type of intimacy and synergy that she and I share every moment. I closed myself from this for so many years -- waiting for the one person I could trust to let all the way inside and who wouldn't run once I opened the door. So many stood outside and refused to come in, or took a few steps and then escaped as quickly as they could. Or worse, were lovable and trustworthy and just not quite compatible. Now I have the core relationship to feed all aspects of myself and the opportunity to bring in others to surround us and stretch our horizons and help us enjoy life to the fullest. In time there will be the third for our household, but for now I am fulfilled and happy and thankful for this bounty.
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