There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.

I want to take away everything I've learned about BDSM, all the crap that I piled on to that experience. I want to remove my philosophies and structures that seem only to be choking me. I've gotten so wrapped up in my vision and my idea of myself and what a relationship should look like, that it feels like a cheap imitation of things that used to be real. I want to stop talking about things, stop struggling with it and just go back to simply being.

I want to go back to where there is a man who has an idea in his head of what he wants a girl to be...and a girl who is set up by her fucked-up past to have a consuming drive to fulfill that vision, to be what he wants. Where there is no such thing as BDSM and there isn't any prescribed way I should act or think. And there is no public scene. And there aren't a lot of other people surrounding us trying making some type of mini-community. And there is no such things as "houses" and discussions about what formality or training or structure is..because it just IS, without the constant navel gazing.

I came to the harsh realization that to end a relationship with someone because he wanted to drop the structure and drop my internal structure...when everything would have looked the same, felt the same, BEEN the same--is nothing but me getting wrapped up in ideas and words and not *being*.