I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
reflections (2nd post today)
| Sunday, September 21, 2003 @ 09:52 For some odd reason, I find myself thinking about how I felt about living with someone before I found boy. I was 33 years old and had never shared my life with anyone. At one point in April 2002, I had three women in my life, a local I played with regularly (several times a week), another local under consideration, and a long-distance who came for an initial visit (staying in a hotel for that weekend). My conclusion then was that I was happy living alone. When I thought about the possibility of living with someone, I considered the good things, but I also wwondered about the bad. Would I be able to handle someone always being in my space -- never having any quiet, alone time? What about the intrusion of belongings making things crowded? What if this person wanted to spend time doing things I didn't like or even hated? (Even slaves need their time for creative expression and mindless entertainment.) What about my shyness factor? How would I be able to be relaxed and secure if there was always someone there watching me? -- seeing my eating habits and my housecleaning, all my body flaws and the little weird things we all do in the privacy of our homes? It wasn't an overwhelming anxiety, but it was there. And here I am, almost fifteen months of living with boy and his cats and iguana and 40 years of accumulated stuff.....and none of those things were ever issues. It was just so right with us -- the compatibility, the connection, how we were meant to be. Sure, we were overcrowded in one bedroom of a shared apartment for six months, but we got our own space. I don't hide things from boy and I don't think he hides from me. We see each other's warts and flaws and accept them. Yes, I'd like more alone time, but he has his meetings and his group involvements and his poetry that sometimes take him out of the house for hours. -- besides, when he is gone for too long, I miss him. I'm incredibly lucky to have this soul mate and be able to share my life with him. We have problems and issues, but they weren't the ones that crossed my mind before we got together, and all of them are resolvable. We trust the universe put us together to better our lives and we know that we are better together.
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