I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
reflections on the timetable
| Sunday, April 11, 2004 @ 08:44 Back in February I wrote about regrouping -- how I took time to focus on the path of my Mastery of boy and that I planned to implement changes in our daily lives. During the interim, boy has started and quit a job, worked on re-healing his hands, published a new chapbook and been asked to be the featured poet at a local open mike in two weeks. --oh! and he's also started posting video entries to his Journal. Meanwhile, I have been very stressed at work, had to work overtime on an increasing basis, and dealt with the dreaded taxes while overseeing a major re-organization of our apartment. However, I have held to the goal of bettering our M/s dynamic. The core changes: adding a few new standing rules, establishing a weekly chore list that outlines which household duties belong to boy and which to me, giving boy a ritual spanking each morning (or as soon as possible in the day), and, starting today, a weekly affirmation that he will incorporate into his activities each day. There will be more rules added over time and I am working on a formal protocol for the household. I know that some M/s relationships begin with all these items from day one -- some even begin during a training or trial period before a couple commits to ownership. However, the way boy and I came together made that impractical. There were issues of living arrangements and work schedules. Additionally, there was the fact that boy was emotionally and spiritually worn out from the hazards of living with his FOO for two years. He needed time to heal, regain his incredible strength, and, most importantly, learn to trust me. He made an incredible leap of faith in deciding to first move in with me and then surrender himself to my ownership in such a short time of our first "date." However, he still had many doubts and many learned behaviors from previous relationships that made it difficult for him to put that trust into daily practice. The first 6-8 months we were together he would frequently ask me if I was going to "change my spots" and hurt/abuse/abandon him as his previous partners had. When boy's mother died and he then had issues with his family and with his family's religious cult trying to "welcome him back", he fell into a deep depression that lasted months. While I supported him, emotionally and financially through this period, he was still in a healing phase. I knew he could handle, and, in fact, needed some level of structure in his life, but I recognized that too much would overload him and we needed to move slowly. I was in no hurry because this relationship is not fleeting; we have time to evolve in pace with our growth as individuals. Trusting my timeline is one of the things boy has had to learn. he has had trouble letting go off the idea that an M/s relationship is supposed to look a certain way and that he's a "poor" slave because we didn't live that life from the start. he felt that he was failing to live up to my expectations, the picture he built in his mind of what he thought I wanted my slave to be. It has taken almost two years of discussions, reassurances, and consistent behavior on my part to teach him that all the assumptions and ideals he formed are not mine. Along the way, he's begun to trust that I will direct the relationship and his behavior so that we continue to evolve to my goals. There is still work to be done on fine-tuning the recently added elements. The important thing to us is that we continue to follow my timetable, evaluated and adjusted to accommodate life, according to my principles and spiritual beliefs, rather than some ideal of how M/s should be.
Comments:
Post a Comment
|
|
|||||
page content & design by D M