I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
surreal
| Thursday, May 27, 2004 @ 06:53 It's very odd that much of my life is taking on a surreal quality. Intellectually I know that we are going to LA this weekend, but it seems a lifetime away. I now know that boy is allergic to peanuts (which we suspected) and corn (corn!!), but it doesn't seem possible. I know that I'm training for a new job right now, but even though I'm spending 90% of my work day on it, it doesn't feel like it's me doing it. I know, in my mind, that I live in Arizona, the place I dreamed of for years, but on a daily basis I forget where I am and just see the rooms and buildings and streets. It's not like me. I'm having some issues with self-discipline lately. Ever since I was sick a few weeks ago, I've felt overly tired most of the time. I don't sleep well at night, tossing and turning. I seem to be doing a lot of dreaming and then waking up to change position. This prevents me from reaching the deeper levels of sleep that make me feel rested. Even when I fall asleep watching tv, I go right into dreams, rather than resting. I tell myself that if I just felt a little more rested, I'd have the energy and my head would be clear enough that I could make myself do my weekly chores, let alone take care of the things I've been putting off for weeks or even months. Or maybe I need to change my diet, or get more exercise.... We were present Monday night for the last event held at the APEX dungeon. Even though I only joined officially last June, I first visited the dungeon a few months after moving to Arizona. It has been a part of my life even before that as I did research on groups and events two or threes years prior to moving. I know that doesn't match the attachment of those who have been members for a decade or more. I'm actually looking forward to the new space (it's cleaner, healthier, and in a safer neighborhood), but it was still weird knowing I would never walk into that building again. boy has been much more motivated than I have been this week. Yes, he's been playing too much Spider Solitaire, but he's still managing to work on his new chapbook, his poetry website, and even a few job applications (as well as jumping through hoops to get his health insurance reactivated). and I have no idea how he is managing to process the fact that he can never eat anything with corn, corn syrup, corn starch, or anything produced in machines that also process peanuts (translation: most candy & baked goods, soda, and even most breads are off-limits, as are most pre-packaged/frozen/restaurant foods). Of course, the result is that he'll be able to touch me without his hands hurting, he'll be able to go swimming for the first time in a year, and he'll be able to make his own bread and tortillas (which are spiritual activities for him) after so many months of not being able to touch dough. he really has a very strong character underneath what he sees as laziness and procrastination. Now, if I can just motivate myself to be a little more active and disciplined, who knows what the two of us will be able to accomplish.
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