I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
finding a form for my thoughts
| Thursday, November 04, 2004 @ 19:59 I tried to sit down and write something on Tuesday night, but we had been out running errands and it just seemed like too much work. I wanted to write something different on Wednesday, but, again, it would take more effort than I have in me to draw together all the various thoughts swimming through my head. So, now it’s Thursday and there countless blogs, articles, and comments on the web.....and I wonder how to give a form to my own experiences and reflections that will make sense to anyone else. On November 2, 2000, I packed up my cat, my computer, and other “essentials” and drove from eastern KS to eastern NM. I had voted by absentee ballot weeks earlier. I had quit my job, bought a car, sold/given away much of my stuff, and left behind my family, friends, and still more stuff stored throughout my mother’s house. I moved in with my aunt’s family and was both riveted and repulsed by the election aftermath. I was fascinated by how many people didn’t understand the Electoral College or the idea of ballot fraud. Overall, though, I was more concerned with finding a job and meeting new people than I was with who won and by how much. On November 2, 2004, I was enthralled by what I saw as the real story of this election: people exercising their right to vote. I read online news account from my desk at work about Texans braving snow to vote, about people in dozens of states standing in line for hours, peacefully, in order to cast their vote. I came home to tv news aerial views of lines snaking through parking lots and a 10pm live report showing people still in line in one precinct. (I found out today that the latest precinct to close in Arizona stayed open until midnight – people stood in line, in the chilly temperatures for FIVE hours.) This was one of the times in my life that I was most proud to be a US citizen. It didn’t matter who won or lost, because I have no control over the outcome. Having grown up under the shadow of the all-powerful Apathy, it spoke to my soul that people participated. On November 3, 2000, I drove from eastern NM through Arizona and the metro Phoenix area. Crossing the border into the state I *knew* was meant to be my home, I felt this incredible sense of security and peacefulness. I don’t remember ever feeling that way in my life. This was a choice I made years before and had not doubted once. After four years here, I do not regret my choice and I am not about to go running back to a state I used to live in or to some foreign country because I’m unwelcome by some in this one. On November 3, 2004, I woke to fear and anger. People I care about expressed disappointment, disillusionment, and anger at the “stupidity” of those that voted for GWB. I spent hours online reading blogs, articles, and comments from angry, vengeful, and, a few calm, democrats/progressives. I also read comments from sore-winner, in-your-face, “leave if you don’t like it” republicans/conservatives. And, somewhere in the midst of all this, I realized that the people I observed the previous day as patriotic, were actually fear-driven. And that, to me, is the real story of the election. Not the scandals, the lies, the insane amounts of money. It’s not about who is right or wrong. It’s about how both sides made this country about fear. Is it possible that so many people being afraid of Bush and terrified of what four more years would do to their financial security, their environment, their personal rights – that all that fear grew so large that it created an equal fear in the opposition? Could it be that those that were already afraid of terrorism and loss of religious clarity and the changing society around them were swelled by a fear of their opposition? How sad that record-breaking numbers of people voted against rather than for someone/thing. I succumbed to the doomsday opinions and voted against my beliefs because I was afraid of the alternative. boy could tell you how I waffled for weeks over my early ballot. My principles demanded that I vote for the third party candidates because I believe that the two-party system is what is destroying us. In a state where GWB won by 11%, my single vote did nothing. Yet, I let fear rule my actions and voted against my principles, against my beliefs, against mysElf. Yes, I do regret doing it and am angry at myself for not recognizing my mistake until after the fact. I forgive myself. And I forgive everyone else who lives in fear and makes decisions out of fear – a pitfall of humanity – and not just related to elections. In a year when I’ve worked long and hard to let go of fear and expectation, I was gifted with a lesson of what can happen when fear reflects itself on a national level, as well as a personal one. I have much more work to do within mysElf.
Comments:
Though this comment is WAY after the fact, I feel compelled to tell you that I've never regretted voting Libertarian every single presidential election for many years. I've never voted for a winning presidential candidate, and I've never regretted my vote. Go with what you really believe next time and see how you feel.
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Cheers, DB # posted by
 : 2:36 AM
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