I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
LLC IX Follow up
| Thursday, May 05, 2005 @ 09:17 My Dad came to visit the weekend after LLC IX. That consumed a lot of my time and energy: preparing, hosting, recovering. The last few weeks have been spent shopping for specific items (some successfully, others not), and doing initial research into a job search. I've also spent some time in my head, trying to focus and plan for a number of changes in my M/s life and for projects in the Leather/BDSM community as inspired by LLC. I came out of LLC IX with the connections and momentum to begin formulating a series of presentations. This is something the Universe told me last year I would be doing soon. The subject matter makes boy a bit uneasy, but he accepted that this is the path I see for us. We have taken the intervening months to get used to the idea and look at some of the potential consequences. Recently, boy discussed with his sponsor how this may affect his recovery process. Next week we are having dinner with an M/s couple we trust and respect to discuss our plan with them. I believe they have the experience and insight in the community to advise us on the process and help us anticipate community response both locally and on a larger scale. This is a huge step for us - esp. for me. I haven't done much public speaking since college, well, except for a few meetings and seminars in the pagan and then BDSM communities in Kansas. boy has been in the public much more than I. he's an extrovert and a true performer. I'm a shy, quiet person who has some speaking skills, albeit rusty ones. Becoming a public persona is going to be a growth experience. If this leads to becoming advocates or even activists (which it might) I'll be putting even more of mysElf out in the world. I know it will be one step at a time, but the Virgo perfectionist wants to anticipate every move and every consequence and every reaction to those consequences. There are steps I have to take now, within mysElf, to prepare for this road. I have to work on organizing my thoughts yet trusting my intuition to go off "script" when necessary. I have to prepare mysElf to make deeper connections with people, as we touch our audiences, they will want or even need to connect with us. I have to be ready for the responsibility of directing boy's persona and tending to him in the potentially painful aftermath. I need to open mysElf up to the resources and insights to be offered by the people in our life now and those we will meet along the path. We are doing this as an M/s couple, but we are not doing this in a vacuum. We have a community of love and support behind us and many will survive this crucible. I know this is vague. We're not quite ready to reveal our subject matter. It is very personal to us and may cause some people to remove themselves from our life. I need to work through some of the steps I mentioned above and work with boy on exactly how and where to take this public. I'm sure I'll be putting the specifics here at some point in the coming months.
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