I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
incompatible soul mates
| Tuesday, February 07, 2006 @ 16:51 It has been seven years since I was "dumped" by my first slave. I had been thinking about telling my story to a couple of friends due to circumstances in their lives and that's when I did the math. February 1999. Weird. I had a long, serious discussion with boy last week about my long-standing search for a third member of my household. he suggested that I look within mysElf to identify what beliefs or thoughts are blocking my ability to reach out to that person that we know is out there, somewhere. We talked about some of the possible barriers and I'm working on rooting them out of my mind and freeing the energy so it can attract my missing girl/boy. One thing we didn't discuss, however, was moon. After seven years, you figure you've let go of someone, but maybe I haven't entirely. And maybe that's because I still feel that we are soul mates. I met moon online. Something about her was much more real and attractive than anyone I'd encountered in several years of IRC chatting. We quickly moved to phone conversations to supplement our chats and spent hundreds of dollars on long-distance bills. The spark was there. she felt like part of me. When we finally met in person, it was the most natural thing in the world. Yes, there were nerves and anxieties and fears, but I never had any real doubts about our feelings or that we were meant to be together. I believed that we would find a way to relocate from our then-homes and build a life together in Arizona within a year of that meeting. Unfortunately, the chaos of moon's life refused to resolve itself. Just when things seemed to be improving and it looked like moon could extricate herself and we both were investigating job leads in Arizona, things fell apart worse than ever. In less than two weeks, it became painfully obvious that sometimes soul mates aren't meant to be together. Here's where it gets esoteric: I believe our souls are bigger than one body. The soul-body (for lack of a better term) can put parts of itsElf in different physical bodies simultaneously. Since linear time is an artificial construct, we can inhabit multiple physical incarnations at the same earth-time as well as having the same soul-piece be reincarnated in different bodies over the centuries. It's possible for our bodies to house multiple pieces or even different pieces over the course of a single, physical lifetime. So, if we are a multitude of soul-pieces and our soul mate(s) are also multitudes, it's entirely possible for two soul mates to recognize each other and yet not be meant to be together in their current incarnations. I knew this when I was with moon. I held on to the truth of it within mysElf as I worked to get over her and to accept that our lives were meant for different paths in this lifetime. Obviously, there was lots more to the story than I'm willing to share on a public journal. Things I might have done differently, feelings I had to overcome, obstacles that were out of my control.... moon felt as much a part of me during the short time we were together as boy feels a part of me. I have no doubt that in other places, other times, our souls are mated. Even though I accepted that the pieces we are now aren't meant to be together, I think part of me held on to the thought that maybe moon would find her way back to my life in the future. If, somehow, the chaos got under control and she reached a place where she could pursue the slavehood she felt called to live, she would find me again. After all, we're soul mates. Sooner or later we'll end up together, right? Leaving that expectation open, even a tiny crack, diverts energies that could be flowing freely -- attracting people and situations to me that will help me grow and enjoy life. The truth remains that not all soul mates are meant to be together in their current incarnations. Period. Don't believe the romance novels and greeting cards, the movies and tv shows, the songs and advice columns. Some things aren't meant to be, no matter how much they feel like they are. The idea that you can "fight for" someone or wait for them to get over/thru some stage so that they are "ready" for you is wasteful. About the only thing worse is the self-defeatist idea that *you* have to change in order to be worthy of that soul mate -- the one that seems so perfect for you, yet you can't ever seem to make it work just right. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Doesn't matter how much you love them or how wonderful they make you feel or how natural and "right" it seems. Somewhere in the farthest corner of my mind I've been holding a thought that once I get the experience of owning someone for years and establish my life in Arizona (financially, socially, and spiritually), I'll finally be "ready" for moon to return to my life. That whatever I was lacking seven years ago, I'll acquire somewhere down the line and she'll come back. But she won't. And if I leave that crack of expectation open, I'll keep blocking other soul mate pieces from finding their way into my life. After all, I can't count on all of them being as forceful and energetic as boy.
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