I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
blocked
| Saturday, April 15, 2006 @ 06:40 I find mysElf feeling blocked again. I made progress for the first weeks after the TJFH, but I seem to be stalling out now. Few creative acts, no motivation for researching our future plans or even keeping up with bills and housework. I know what I want my life to be, but on a daily basis I'm not able to make it happen. It feels very much like being depressed, even though I laugh a lot and generally feel light and happy. I don't want to slip into laziness and distraction. There are fears and/or long-assimilated programming at the root of this. I'm hearing faint messages in my head that I'm not "allowed" to be an artist for a multitude of reasons (though I can't make out the exact words to identify the source) and that I'm going to fail, so why bother trying. Except that I *want* to do this and I don't believe I'll fail. The friction in my head is causing the inaction. Writing about it here, in public, is the first baby step to overcoming it. I have planned several other baby steps to do today. If I can just do each step, it will give me the strength to move to the next step and, eventually, I'll get past this latest block.
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