I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
death watch
| Saturday, June 24, 2006 @ 12:31 I know some of you are waiting for the long version of my head-shaving rite. However, at the same time that I have been preparing, doing, and absorbing the post-rite energies, I have also been waiting for my grandfather to die. One of the reasons I came back to Kansas in the fall was to face FOO history. I visited him last Friday, while in preparations for the rite. I wanted one last chance for him to recognize me. He had deteriorated a lot since my previous visit about a month prior. When we returned from camping Monday night, I was told that the doctor gave him a few hours to a few days -- with the caveat that sometimes people manage to hold on for weeks. But, realistically, the clock was ticking. I contemplated stopping Tues prior to the head shave, but a call to my grandmother confirmed he was sleeping and I didn't want to disturb him. My brother arrived Wednesday and he and my sister visited on Thursday. They reported that he was fading and various family and friends are making their last visits or arranging to travel here. Yesterday, I had boy drive me over and the change in one week was shocking. It was the difference between someone who is very, very ill and someone whose body is already starting to die, even though the spirit and mind are still intact. I don't know if he recognized me sans hair, but he was aware family was present and I held his hand for a little while. Last night my brother spent a few hours there and came home hopeful. It seems grandpa was able to sit up, eat, talk, etc. when he hadn't really done that in a few days. boy was worried that my brother was slipping into denial. I heard from my sister around noon that they think he has slipped into a coma. They are now worried that he won't be able to hold on until his two kids from Arizona can arrive tonight to say their goodbyes. I'm home all alone for once. boy is at work. Mom is out with friends. Brother is at my grandparents with those of the family who believe in sitting a death vigil. I'm very much aware that all this is tied together: my feelings of grief two weeks ago, my decision to shave my head and create a transformation/rebirth rite to release mysElf, my grandfather dying, all the FOO coming together. One of the important messages of my rite preparations was that things are going to start moving very, very fast in my life. It's been building to a point for over a year now, more intensely since the TJFH three months ago. Tapping into the Solstice energy with my rebirthing is only going to intensify that acceleration. There are many FOO-things left unsettled in my life and now is the time I am processing and releasing them -- as I sit and wait for the phone to ring.
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