I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
transformation rite
| Wednesday, June 14, 2006 @ 18:52 I'm still dealing with the grieving process, but I've hit on something else. Something bigger. And I'm asking for spiritual support and energy to help me in this endeavor. For several years now, I've felt the lack of rites of initiation and celebration in my life. Birthdays and anniversaries are arbitrary markers of time and don't represent anything significant. The watershed moments of my life have come and gone with only me to notice -- and sometimes I don't even recognize that they happened until long after the fact. I don't feel that I have successfully completed any significant rite in my life and I have been trying to figure out how to remedy that situation. I have considered several options that are available to neo-pagan sadists with body modification fetishes. I've thought about physical/athletic challenges. All along, in the very back of my head, an idea lurked, generating repeated thoughts of "wouldn't it be cool if I had the guts to do that?" But I refused to give it serious thought. The past few weeks that thought has been a bit more persistent, though hardly all-encompassing. With this period of grief for the part(s) of mysElf that has been shed, I have been discussing my transformation with boy -- and I mentioned this idea to him. After he got over the shock, he passed on yet another message from "Them" saying that this could be great for me. I could barely believe I was telling him my idea, and here he was channeling that the Universe supports me in this -- and he does as well. The Summer Solstice is next week, and I'm thinking that I will set that Eve as the date for my rite. I am not trying to tease. I'm still in shock with mysElf that I could even imagine this, let alone plan for it. Between the grief and the enormity of my plan, I feel very vulnerable and fragile at the moment. I don't want to lose my nerve by sharing the specifics and getting opinions ahead of time. This may be one of the scariest things I've contemplated in my life. And boy is scared for and with me. (NOTE: this is not a life-threatening rite, but certainly a life-altering one.) Still, I understand the philosophy of "that which you fear most, do first." And I feel compelled to do this at this time. I know that it will simultaneously reflect my transformation to date and accelerate my metamorphosis. I promise to share the details once the rite is complete. I only ask now for love to be directed to me so that I will find the strength within to accomplish this. If I were in Phoenix, I would share this rite with most of my friends as witnesses. Since I can't wait until we return, I'm hoping to feel your presence with me across the miles. Once I have a more specific date and time, I will post that, but love & light are always welcome -- and may be needed to keep me from changing my mind over the next week.
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