I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
Home & back, part 3: spiritual health
| Thursday, August 31, 2006 @ 07:20 We discovered about a month ago that I am under an unconscious and unintentional spiritual attack from FOO members. It is evident in a variety of physical symptoms and some mental blocks. I wrote about the process of identification on August 3rd. Since then, it has been a slow road of knowing I'm externally blocked and trying to ward off the attack. Some days I succeed better than others. As I drove us out of Kansas last week, I felt mysElf expanding -- pushing beyond the oppression and negativity that have surrounded me. I felt lighter, freer. boy took over driving somewhere in Oklahoma and I slept off and on through the night (and through Texas). I drove through eastern New Mexico and made it to Albuquerque by early morning -- and noticed that there was no external pressure remaining. I was able to soak in the energies of the sun, the mountains, the NM sky. I could feel the pull of Arizona's energy leading me home -- refreshing and nourishing me in ways that Kansas never could. On Tuesday, we visited one of our favorite "new age" shops. While boy was busy at the bank, I stocked up on all the incenses we weren't able to find in Kansas (not even in the KC metro area). I enjoyed the energies from various stones, even discovered a green version of kyanite that I didn't know existed. I searched for a new Ganesh, but the ones they had available weren't quite what I need. And then I found a Guardian pendant. I'm not usually attracted to objects that are so fierce, so violent (at least not in spiritual matters), but this one caught my eye. I read the description and realized that this might be helpful in warding off the attacks once I returned to KS. As soon as I got in the car, I made sure to put the Guardian in the glove compartment. This way he wouldn't get misplaced in the luggage and be difficult to find as we drove back to KS and I started to feel the affects of attack. We stayed at slave g's home during our visit. He is an amazingly calm and centered person. The energy and peace were incredible after the chaos of the road and the clutter (mental & spiritual) that is my mother's house. Likewise, being able to meet up with several FOC -- to hug, laugh, talk, and hug some more -- immeasurable in restoring some of our inner balance and strengthening us for the return to KS and the last few weeks of packing and organizing before returning home. It was quite difficult to leave what is undeniably our spiritual and emotional home state. We tried to appreciate it all as we drove back up and out of Arizona. Knowing that we will return in a few weeks made it a bit easier. We felt the energy of our FOC supporting us and simultaneously pulling us back. We decided to take a different route that would put us in Kansas sooner. As I drove into Texas, I started to feel the attacking energy. I had boy get the Guardian and he scrambled to measure out a knot and slip it over my head and glasses without disturbing my driving. I instantly felt its energy -- hot and fierce -- ready to protect. And it kept up the battle as we drove closer and closer to the Kansas border -- and then across the state to Topeka. In the time we've been back, it has been a struggle, partly because it has been so dreary and cloudy. My SAD symptoms interfere with my ability to ward off the psychic attacks. Additionally, the reality of our moving is becoming evident to the source of the attacks, and their fears and anger are increasing the unconscious power. But I use the tools LS gave me and I wear the Guardian during the worse parts of the day. And I have remembered that, though not my preferred energies, Kansas has its own strength and beauty. I can tap into the energy and power that is native here - the energies that supported me as a child and adolescent. It may not be as in tune with me as that of Arizona, but it is part of the Universe, and, therefore, part of me. I can use that energy, along with what we stored up in Arizona and with the waves being sent from our FOC, to guide us home.
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