I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
group behaviors
| Tuesday, April 24, 2007 @ 18:57 There is a new yahoogroup that focuses on M/s relationships. I joined it almost as soon as it was started and watched it balloon to 100-150 messages a day. Way too many for me to read, let alone respond to. So, I skim. And I try to catch up every day or two. I believed in this group because so many of my FOC and COF (local and geographically far) are members. Even more people I know and respect from around the country have posted intros. While I hardly expected everyone to agree 100%, I had hopes that it wouldn't fall into the normal cyber-drama of online groups. With so many people "real" and regularly encountering each other at events and clubs, I was naive enough to believe there would be some level of civility. In the few weeks I've been skimming messages (I currently have over 200 "unread" in my e-mail), I've been insulted twice and witnessed at least one little flame war about whether or not someone was being rude. From the select messages I've skimmed since I got home tonight, it seems that at least one person has left the group - which only led to more heated debate about whether the treatment of her was worse than her treatment of others. *sighs* This morning, as I got ready for work (I think I was 100 message behind at that point), I was extremely bothered by the two insults to me. I even commented to slave boy that I couldn't figure out why I was letting them get to me. Neither was directed specifically at me -- I've only made one post to the list introducing mysElf. And why was I so upset that a call for dropping value-ladden language by someone I respect was met with counterattacks and defense of "passion?" She certainly doesn't need me to answer for her or to feel badly on her behalf. She's one of the strongest, most articulate women I know and her Master is formidable as well. (The two insults? A slave/submissive woman posted that she addresses women by their name, whether submissive or dominant, but dominant men as "Sir." -- not unique. This type of sexism is so prevalent in our extended community that most people defend it rather than recognizing it as the discrimination it actually is. After being indirectly called "inferior" by her, I was then more directly labeled "unethical" because I choose to make decisions about slave boy's career and daily job. This was less indirect, as I had stated clearly that I did so and the comment calling all such Masters "unethical" was only one or two responses after mine.) I believe that people disagree. I believe that people have core values that are so core, they would literally die to defend them. However, most of life isn't that deep. Most of life is different choices and beliefs that we each hold. I respect and accept that others believe and behave differently than I ever would. I accept that some of my own friends and FOC may think me wrong, misguided, silly, or even stupid at times. I would hope they would call me on it and we would agree to disagree on those things that can't be resolved. For absolute strangers to call me unethical or inferior is beyond rude. Say my choices are wrong or that you disagree with my logic. Explain, as passionately as you want, that you would never do anything like that because it goes against what you believe. But don't insult me, or make blanket insults to large percentages of a list of several hundred people. Intellectual argument can be passionate without degrading the others involved. While few words are truly neutral, some words are blatantly insulting and used by the "impassioned" specifically to push buttons. As someone with strong pacifist beliefs, verbal violence is just as unsavory to me as physical assault. I realized on my drive to work (finally!) that this was why I was so bothered by these exchanges. I had hoped that this group might be a safe place for discussing M/s relationships openly and with some level of civility and acceptance. Just call me "Pollyana" I guess.
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