I am going to start filtering some of my more private musings. Since blogger does not have a tool for that, you will need to visit my Live Journal and ask to be friended there. I will continue to post Daily Gratitude and other subjects here. There is also a FAQ for my Journal at the same link.
| Sunday, December 15, 2002 @ 22:57 After the stress of the roommate news yesterday, I wasn't sure I'd be up to a party, let alone giving my boi the caning I'd planned. It took awhile of socializing and observing at the party before I felt relaxed. I wasn't even able to eat when my chefboi served; I waited until later when I felt I could actually taste food. Good company, good energy, and yummy food can surmount almost any level of stress and/or depression. I had not caned anyone in public before and my boi had not played with canes at all prior to our relationship. I'd given her a few canings at home, but it is hard for her to process that type of pain and I was waiting for her to be ready for one in public. I intentionally took her aside to be caned while the rest of the group was doing the white elephant gift exchange. (We didn't participate due to finances and the fact that we don't celebrate Xmas.) It meant we wouldn't accumlulate much of an audience and I'd be able to concentrate on the pain rather than the performance anxiety. After minimal warmup, I administered a quick, yet intense session. I stopped about halfway through to retrieve the metal paddle that had been chilling in the fridge. The cold on her hot ass and thighs made the cane marks raise quite nicely -- and made the next round of hits hurt just that much more. We had to add a gag towards the end because she was losing control of her vocal reactions to the pain. Although several people came in or walked by the room, no one actually stayed, so we kept our energy focused on each other. It was a very good caning, she couldn't sit for several hours :) My sadist came out further than it usually does in public. My boi asked me about the lack of warmup, even by our limited standards. I said it was about me inflicting pain and I wanted to do it fast and effectively. I didn't care about her comfort level. Apparently her masochist was out in response to my sadist energy, because a little while later she was begging for a flogging and, eventually, I gave her a good one. This one had even stronger energy; at times she stepped away from me or balled her fists to stop herself from fighting back. I was especially mean as I finished and each of us experienced a moment of wanting to separate, rather than use the aftercare time to bond. I took care of her. I don't want my toy damaged. I waited too long to find someone who can take this sort of beating and provide such excellent service. At home in bed (too tired to f***), we talked about the two beatings and the headspace and the aftercare and the emotions. We talked about how the pain works in our relationship and how we're growing in our SM interactions as we learn each other. This morning (afternoon?) when we finally woke, we talked more about our life together and the ownership dynamic that creates that life. Our bond grows deeper and her surrender is reinforced by the very situations that might have led to resistence if she had been with someone else or if I had chosen a different slave. And every now and then throughout the day I've rubbed, scratched, squeezed or otherwise aggravated her bruises.....because what's the point of intense pain if it doesn't stay with the slave for a day or two after?
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